Diet Pills

My divorce will be final tomorrow, and my big birthday bash is in a couple of  weeks. I feel mixed emotions. Part of me feels like I am free from something that was growing worse and harder to deal with each day. Almost like now my life can begin for real. Another part of me feels like something precious, which wasn’t given the help it needed on time, has died.

How funny that losing a marriage can seem like death. Maybe that’s why I left this part of my life out of this diary until now. It hurts.

In this case, it is really more of a blessing to be out of it than a curse. The curse was the fact that I put up with so much for so long. It actually took my best friend to open my eyes to how destructive my marriage was, and how much it carried over into other areas of my life, like my weight for instance.
I was average in weight when I got married 8 years ago. Two kids and 60 pounds later, I have been abused, misused, and confused for long enough. Now, with the help of Denise, my best friend, I have gotten the courage to take the steps to be free from a marriage that never should have happened. My kids are safe, he would never hurt them. But me, my wounds are emotional, but sometimes they are the toughest ones to get over.

When I was pregnant for my first baby, of course I gained some weight. I was supposed to. But he always called me chubby, and in front of other people too. I knew he must be seeing someone else, but I ignored all the reasons to suspect anything. I was too emotional, he would say. I was hormonal, he would pass it off as anything other than what it was, the truth.

After my daughter was born, he was still not very nice to me. He would pretend in front of others, but when we were alone, he rarely touched me. I felt like I must be too fat, so I practically starved myself to become more attractive to him. By the time my daughter was six months old, I was pregnant with baby number two. It must have been one of the three times we had actually had sex. He was always too busy with other things, and now I know what they were.

Anyhow, with that pregnancy I gained again, and again the name calling started. This time though, he was brutal. He even laughed and called me ‘fatty’ in front of my mother! She tried to laugh it off, but she knew how it hurt me. When he left the room, she asked if everything was alright. Of course I lied to her.

I told her that he was just nervous about having another baby so soon.

Now, she knows the truth, they all do. Even I have had to admit the truth. He was a cheater, and not because of my weight. He was a cheater because he is selfish and only thinks of himself.

He was an abuser. Not physically, unless you count neglecting me physically. But emotionally and mentally, he caused me to have scars that go so deep, I can’t see through them sometimes.

Now, though, with the help of Hoodia Gordonii Plus, my healing from being abused with my weight used as a weapon, and my weight loss journey have begun. I have been able to lose about 18 pounds, and in only 5 weeks. I am really looking forward to a fun night with that birthday party.