A ton of weight? Does it really look like I’ve lost a lot?

Anyhow, I told him that as of this morning, I have lost 33 pounds. He was so happy for me. My brother is a health nut, so when I told him about the Hoodia Gordonii Plus, he had already heard a lot about it. He even told me that that was the only diet pill his homeopathic doctor tells people to take. With the authentic Hoodia Gordonii from the Kalahari Desert, and the Green Tea in it, there is not only great weight loss help, but also antioxidants and other healthy benefits to taking it.

He seemed more excited than anyone, including me.

He told me that when mom told him I was losing weight, his first thought, like many others admitted too, was that the only reason I had been overweight was because my ex husband drove me to put on weight. It was like my drug of choice.

The more I think about it, the more I see the possibility of it being the truth.

When we decided to get a divorce, I felt free from food, free from depression, and free from being help prisoner in a marriage that has been a lie for so long.

Now, the ability that I have to control my eating, with the help of Hoodia Gordonii Plus, and having Denise for a friend, has enabled me to begin pulling my life back to where I want it. I want to be healthy, active, enjoying my girls, and enjoying life in general. Alone, or with someone, I can be happy with myself at last, and not feel like I am a burden, a chain holding someone else back, a chubby little wife who nags at her neglectful and verbally abusive husband, cowering from his onslaught of words.

Now, I am free to be me, and free to like me for who I am.

I did add one thing to my weekly routine this week. Me and my girls started going to the fitness center together, to the mommy and me exercise class. It’s in the pool, and we all love it.

Then, after our swimming pool class together, the girls go to do a craft, and I take a spinning class.

Spinning is an exercise bike class that is very intense. We go three days a week, and are thrilled with this new thing to do together. I am especially thrilled because it gave my weight loss a boost. That’s why my total weight loss is up to 36 pounds. I have no doubt that adding this great exercise is not only going to help with the weight, but also with the toning I need for my muscles that are flabby from not being used enough over the years.

Before I took Hoodia Gordonii Plus, I wouldn’t have had enough energy to go to an exercise class in the evening, but now there is no stopping me. With my new life, I am feeling mighty good, and I plan on it only getting better with each new day. My girls and I are doing great, and life is good.

I went out and bought a couple of new things to wear to work, simply because my clothes are beginning to look like they’re falling off of me. I’m not complaining, I just don’t want to buy all new clothes yet, when I know in a few weeks they won’t fit me.

People I work with are starting to comment on my weight loss, and it feels great. Yesterday, my mom stopped over. When I answered the door, she said, “You lost more weight! How are you doing it?”
I finally told her about Hoodia Gordonii Plus diet pills, and showed her the website so she could read all about it and put her mind at rest.

When she got done reading all the great information about Hoodia Gordonii Plus, she really surprised me.

She asked me to order some for her!

Now, my mom has always been a little overweight, and has tried one diet after another, but has always been afraid to take diet pills. She said that when I was little, she took some kind of diet pill, and it gave her heart palpitations. Ever since then, she was afraid of them.

I asked her how much she wanted to lose, and she said about 40 pounds. Now, to me she doesn’t look that much overweight, but she told me how much she weighs, and she is.

I told her that I would order some for her, and suggested that she read some more information so she would know what to expect. When she left, she looked at me and said “You look beautiful. Wait until that slime sees the new you!”

And then she left. I was surprised at her reaction, and happily so. When I thought about what she said later that night, it made me laugh. When I was married to him, she never would have spoken a word against him, but now she is able to be honest with me about what she thinks of him. And her words echo my own feelings, he is slime, and I deserve better.

With the help of Hoodia Gordonii Plus, I am making a better life for myself. Not only am I getting a new body, I am also feeling more clarity in my thinking, and I have more energy. With my thoughts clearer, I know more what I want and what I have only put up with. I am able to make decisions easier, and am more determined to continue making life better for me and my girls.

They go to their dad’s house this weekend, and I plan on painting my living room without little ones running around underfoot. I also plan on taking Sunday to relax and enjoy a new book I bought for myself. It’s nothing special, just something mindless to help me relax.

Denise might come over on Saturday night and help me move the furniture back into my newly painted living room. It’s so nice to have a good friend who knows my strengths and weaknesses, and still wants to be my friend.

Now, I need to look at those paint samples, and find a color that suits my new outlook on life, and my new confidence in myself, thanks to Hoodia Gordonii Plus.

Besides losing weight, that is the best thing to happen to me since the divorce became final.

I didn’t tell mom yet about taking Hoodia Gordonii Plus. I’m not sure how she will react to it when she finds out. Mom is a little bit of a health nut, and skeptical of anything that might give health problems as side effects. I looked at the list of side effects Hoodia Gordonii Plus might have, and they are mild compared to other diet pills.

She did notice that I have lost a few pounds when we went to the zoo, and my sister was making a huge deal about it. All the questions, and then “You are ok, aren’t you?”, and “Are you starving yourself?”
I had to convince them both that I am fine, better than a I’ve been in a long time, and that no, I’m not starving myself. I am losing weight because I decided to take control of my life, not because I’m distraught and depressed, quite the opposite in fact.

I have lost a total of 25 pounds now, in less than eight weeks. How awesome is that?

Anyhow, I still didn’t tell them that I’m taking something to help. They didn’t ask, so why should I offer the information?

The zoo was a lot of fun, but it was even more fun to laugh and enjoy myself, without feeling like I would regret it later and be made fun of. I realized this weekend, that I have been afraid to let myself have real fun, for years. When I was laughing at something one of my sister’s boys did, I realized that I hadn’t really laughed in a long time.

Now, I decided that I was going to work on having fun. Not the kind of fun that is limited to a little giggle here and there, or the kind of fun that you have when you are humoring someone, but real, honest to goodness, belly laughing fun- on purpose.

I know that might sound strange, but after laughing so hard at my nephew, I actually felt like something deep inside me had begun to heal.

Next weekend, now that I have reached my first goal of 25 pounds, Denise and I are going to see a movie. That is, on Sunday. Saturday is my PARTY!!

With my new goal of having fun while I make my new life, I think I’ll suggest seeing a comedy. There’s a new movie playing that I think might be just the right thing for me to enjoy. And guess what it’s about? A new divorce’ making a new life for herself. What could be better timing for a movie for me?

Anyhow, that’s my plan. Now, taking Hoodia Gordonii Plus, eating food I like, having fun on purpose, and oh, I almost forgot, walking with my girls. My life is getting better every day.

Last night when I put the girls to bed, my oldest took my face in her hands and said, “Mommy, you are getting happy, aren’t you?”

I told her that yes, mommy was getting happier every day.

“Good, because I don’t like it when you cry, I like it when you laugh!” and then she giggled. What could I say, I giggled too. It was either that or get teary, and she doesn’t like it when mommy cries. Mommy will be laughing more often from now on, on purpose.

To my surprise, I have lost 22 pounds already! With that much gone the first month and a half, I know the rest will follow. I am making plans to reward myself when I break the 25 pound mark, with a movie night out with Denise and some other friends. My ex husband has the kids every other weekend, so that will help me fill in the empty hours, and help me learn to enjoy myself in my new life as a single mom.

Denise put my application in her office department for me. I should hear whether I got the position or not on Monday morning. I can hardly wait. If it doesn’t go through though, I will wait until another comes up. My job is too good to let go because of having to face my ex’s friend. Besides, he told me one day that he doesn’t know why I put up with my ex for so long anyhow. He made it clear that they are still friends, but that he knows I had it rough.

How funny that losing a marriage can seem like death. Maybe that’s why I left this part of my life out of this diary until now. It hurts.

In this case, it is really more of a blessing to be out of it than a curse. The curse was the fact that I put up with so much for so long. It actually took my best friend to open my eyes to how destructive my marriage was, and how much it carried over into other areas of my life, like my weight for instance.
I was average in weight when I got married 8 years ago. Two kids and 60 pounds later, I have been abused, misused, and confused for long enough. Now, with the help of Denise, my best friend, I have gotten the courage to take the steps to be free from a marriage that never should have happened. My kids are safe, he would never hurt them. But me, my wounds are emotional, but sometimes they are the toughest ones to get over.

When I was pregnant for my first baby, of course I gained some weight. I was supposed to. But he always called me chubby, and in front of other people too. I knew he must be seeing someone else, but I ignored all the reasons to suspect anything. I was too emotional, he would say. I was hormonal, he would pass it off as anything other than what it was, the truth.

After my daughter was born, he was still not very nice to me. He would pretend in front of others, but when we were alone, he rarely touched me. I felt like I must be too fat, so I practically starved myself to become more attractive to him. By the time my daughter was six months old, I was pregnant with baby number two. It must have been one of the three times we had actually had sex. He was always too busy with other things, and now I know what they were.

Anyhow, with that pregnancy I gained again, and again the name calling started. This time though, he was brutal. He even laughed and called me ‘fatty’ in front of my mother! She tried to laugh it off, but she knew how it hurt me. When he left the room, she asked if everything was alright. Of course I lied to her.

I told her that he was just nervous about having another baby so soon.

Now, she knows the truth, they all do. Even I have had to admit the truth. He was a cheater, and not because of my weight. He was a cheater because he is selfish and only thinks of himself.

He was an abuser. Not physically, unless you count neglecting me physically. But emotionally and mentally, he caused me to have scars that go so deep, I can’t see through them sometimes.

Now, though, with the help of Hoodia Gordonii Plus, my healing from being abused with my weight used as a weapon, and my weight loss journey have begun. I have been able to lose about 18 pounds, and in only 5 weeks. I am really looking forward to a fun night with that birthday party.

I went shopping today because I wanted something new and beautiful to wear to my birthday party and I ended up spending way more money than I had planned.  I didn’t realize how much weight I’ve lost until I got in the dressing room and had to go out for smaller sized versions of nearly everything I’d brought in there.  It was such a thrill to be able to fit into all these cute clothes, I went a little crazy and bought more than I probably should have.  I had forgotten how much fun shopping is when you’re not worried about finding the right size and when you don’t hate how you look in everything you try on.  It’s an entirely different experience shopping when I’m a normal weight than it is shopping when I’ve gained a bunch of weight.  Honestly, I think buying a ton of clothes was a good idea no matter how much money I spent.   After all, having all these nice things will inspire me to keep the weight off so I can keep wearing them.

I happened to find the cutest dress to wear to my birthday party.  I’ve been telling everyone that I want to look like a princess and I’m pretty sure I will.  It won’t be just the dress, though.  I feel so good about myself lately, I feel like I could wear almost anything and feel like a princess.

I don’t know if people who have never had issues with their weight can understand how much of a struggle it really is for those of us who do have issues.  I know I’ve talked about it before, but I still find it hard to put the feelings into words.  Even though I know better and I know my friends and the people who love me know better, it feels like my weight stands between me and the rest of the world.  These diet pills have given me an amazing gift:  I no longer feel like there is this barrier between me and the rest of the world.  I’ve already thanked Denise a thousand times over for suggesting the Hoodia Gordoni Plus to me, but I feel like I owe her so much.  I feel like I owe her a lifetime of feeling good since her suggestion has completely changed my life for the better.